I’m trying….

Dear Whoever You Maybe,

I am trying.  I am trying not to miss you but I do.  I started discipleship last week.  So far its been good.  I really enjoy D.  I know this will be good for me and for us. 

I’m really having a hard time with the kids lately.  My work hours aren’t normal and..sigh I don’t know..my father just doesn’t understand sometimes.   I do a lot of work at home on the computer and a lot on my phone by text.  Marketing etc.. its done on the computer and I can answer emails for work at home.  Right now that is great for the summer with the kids but still time passes and I'm trying to work, take care of kids, and clean the house 24-7.

I love my job but I am honestly thinking of something that is more 9-5 or so.  I can do the credit on the side but love I don’t know anymore.  I just want peace and a non chaotic life for once.

I want to go back to school.  I want to be able to go buy clothes for myself and not feel guilty.  I want to live and not just survive.  I hate being in survival mode.  There is just so much I want to do and be able to provide for the kids and I cant.  Sometimes…sometimes I wonder if some of this isn't a consequence of my actions while I was married. 

I wish you were here to go on a walk with or a run with.  Making time, saying no, just being still…sigh…a list of things I need to work on.

Do you ever wonder if we have already met?  Do you wonder where I am? Do you pray for me, our future kids?

Our kids asked about you today.  They asked if I would ever date again, what I would look for in a new husband, do I think you will like them?  They are so sweet and adorable dear.  I really cant wait for you to meet them.  They are so loved by everyone at Logos.  WE are so loved by everyone at Logos. 

Are you plugged in this week?  Are you in community right now?  I wish I knew what you are going through right now and how to pray for you.   I pray you are plugged in my love with strong Christ following men.  If not I hope you know I am praying for you (& so are our kids) and loving you from afar.

Always,

Waiting Patiently