Hey you....

Dear Whoever You May Be,

Guess what?


I miss your face!  Love you!


Always,
Waiting Patiently

I’m trying….

Dear Whoever You Maybe,

I am trying.  I am trying not to miss you but I do.  I started discipleship last week.  So far its been good.  I really enjoy D.  I know this will be good for me and for us. 

I’m really having a hard time with the kids lately.  My work hours aren’t normal and..sigh I don’t know..my father just doesn’t understand sometimes.   I do a lot of work at home on the computer and a lot on my phone by text.  Marketing etc.. its done on the computer and I can answer emails for work at home.  Right now that is great for the summer with the kids but still time passes and I'm trying to work, take care of kids, and clean the house 24-7.

I love my job but I am honestly thinking of something that is more 9-5 or so.  I can do the credit on the side but love I don’t know anymore.  I just want peace and a non chaotic life for once.

I want to go back to school.  I want to be able to go buy clothes for myself and not feel guilty.  I want to live and not just survive.  I hate being in survival mode.  There is just so much I want to do and be able to provide for the kids and I cant.  Sometimes…sometimes I wonder if some of this isn't a consequence of my actions while I was married. 

I wish you were here to go on a walk with or a run with.  Making time, saying no, just being still…sigh…a list of things I need to work on.

Do you ever wonder if we have already met?  Do you wonder where I am? Do you pray for me, our future kids?

Our kids asked about you today.  They asked if I would ever date again, what I would look for in a new husband, do I think you will like them?  They are so sweet and adorable dear.  I really cant wait for you to meet them.  They are so loved by everyone at Logos.  WE are so loved by everyone at Logos. 

Are you plugged in this week?  Are you in community right now?  I wish I knew what you are going through right now and how to pray for you.   I pray you are plugged in my love with strong Christ following men.  If not I hope you know I am praying for you (& so are our kids) and loving you from afar.

Always,

Waiting Patiently

tears…

Dear Whoever You Might Be,

Today’s sermon rocked me.  We are back in Proverbs and we were in chapter 7 today.  Solomon was talking to his sons telling him a story about an adulteress and how hew ways lead to death.

Death….how many of my ways have been leading to death?  Pastor Tom said last week that sexual sins are like ripples in the water after you throw a rock.  The effect everyone and everything.  Your past, present and future relationships.  All the sermons and blogs lately I have read have been talking about sex because of the move Magic Mike and the books 50 Shades of Gray.

I absolutely will not read those books.  A man consumed with sex, controlling, bondage, “toys”, “playroom”.… Why would I want to read books about that when I lived that? Just the thought makes me ill.

Anyway off my soapbox dear.

Many tears have been shed this week over many things.  Friend’s leaving, plans changing, family hurts….sigh I wish you were around.

I missed going to my study on Tuesday.  I am enjoying it so much. 

Love I pray you are plugging into a community so very much.  Our kids really need a man around.  And if I haven’t said it yet, yes love there is a difference between a man and a guy.  I married a guy once..I need and pray for a man.

We are waiting to hear about Tarzan’s EEG results this week.  I miss my sleep.  I woke up this morning and though I missed some of the mascara I was wearing yesterday when I looked in the mirror.  Nope it wasn’t mascara I’m just that tired!

I came across a new group this week.  They are called billy.  I love, love, love their songs.  Digging Your Heels In, the first song on their EP billy by billy and the song Locked and Loaded get to me.  I really don’t want to deal with the wreckage in my past sometimes.  Sigh…

I miss you my love.

Always,

Waiting Patiently….(trying…G-d is working on me…)