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Saturday, August 25, 2012

Let’s run away….

Dear Whoever You Might Be,

I heard them calling in the distance
So I packed my things and ran
Far away from all the trouble
I had caused with my two hands
Alone we travelled on
With nothing but a shadow
We fled, far away

hike

Hold your horses now
(Sleep until the sun goes down)
Through the woods we ran
(Deep into the mountain sound)
Hold your horses now
(Sleep until the sun goes down)
Through the woods we ran

ymca

Let’s run away to the mountain's with some friends, all the kids, and go camping.  Throw a tent, some sleeping bags, some clothes, and a stove in the back of a car and go.  Hiking, camping, waking up outside…sigh… take me away…

Missing you terribly. 

I love you!

Always,

Waiting patiently

Friday, August 24, 2012

Prematurity…

Dear Whoever You Might Be,

Below is a story that I took from a friend of mine’s Facebook page.  I’m a mom of a premature child so this is very near and dear to my heart as you will come to realize.  Becoming more involved with March of Dimes and their work in Texas is very important to me.  I love them.  Without them Tarzan wouldn’t be here.

How Preemie Moms Are Chosen

by Erma Bombeck

...Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia. Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."

"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect She has just the right amount of selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see--ignorance, cruelty, prejudice-- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

 

Always,

Waiting Patiently

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Weirdness…

Dear Whoever You Might Be,

I love this quote...its one of my favorites..

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
Dr. Seuss

Always,

Waiting Patiently

Drowning

Dear Whoever You Might Be,

How is your week my love?  I know its something I say all the time but I am tired.  I am having to force myself to smile everyday right now.  My friends text me and tell me to have a good day and my standard response is “Always Smile".  Sigh…  its not just physically tired, but mentally and emotionally too. 

I feel like I am drowning right now.  I know its just a season that I am going through but oh my do I feel like I have the weight of the world on me.  I have actually begun to gain weight again which I hate.  I have exactly $.15 in my bank account right now.  $.15 and I don’t know when I am going to get any money anytime soon.

People don’t understand how hard it is for me right now.  I am looking everyday for a job.  I spend 4-5 hours a DAY looking and applying.  For everything from being a waitress  to working retail again.  Time and time again I don’t get a response.  Not being bilingual is killing me here.  I don’t have a degree in anything Crying face.

I am hurting and don’t know what to do anymore.  Sometimes the thought of leaving and letting my parents raise the kids because I obviously from a financial stand point cant anymore. The fact that this thought is coming over me more and more lately scares me.  I love them so much and I feel like a failure more and more.

Pray for me hard love.

Always,

Waiting patiently

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Our son…

Dear Whoever You Might Be,

I miss you my love.  Our son will be starting the 5th grade this year.  Wow!  Time really does fly…I think I may cry..(yes I made a rhyme…lol).  Our son is growing up and some days I feel like I am loosing control.  I don’t know sometimes how to parent him anymore.  He’s growing up and needs a dad.  I am so blessed to have men step up and do things with him but he still needs a dad.

His little heart hurts so much sometimes because he doesn’t have one.  And I probably dwell on the fact that he and his sister don’t have a dad in their life than I should but you hear so many statistics on how influential a father is on his child’s life growing up and it makes my heart break.

There are just so many things I cant do with or explain to Tarzan because I am a woman.  Sigh…

I know that our Father is the Father to the Fatherless and I need to work on my ability to trust him that the will both be okay, but I admit it I doubt.  There is just so much stuff out there that I can’t protect him from and things he wont want to talk to me about as he grows older.  Things his b-dad is a part of that I want to shield him from.

I’m scared.  Being a parent is a scary thing.  Being a single mom is even harder.  It requires giving up control and trusting. Not something that is easy for me some days.

Pray for me my love.

 

Always,

Waiting Patiently